3rd Training Session - August 30, 2007

Well today was a great day, didn't get much done because K was under foot wanting my full undivided attention....so I gave it to her. I really have to start looking for a midnight job so I can be with her at home all day.

Otherwise tonight was our 3rd training session, it was about attachment. I felt like it was a waste of time because it was all stuff I already knew. Maybe because I researched the topic to death and read like a thousand books before I adopted K and so basically tonight was a review course for me. K did have some attachment problems and we worked hard to develop those bonds since she was basically left in a crib all day without any stimulation or touch from any of the caregivers. But most children in the infant room, where K was, was like that. Only their basic needs were met, meaning one Nanny came around and propped a roll of towels up to hold the bottle so they could feed and another came around took the bottles and changed their diapers and this was done every 2 hours. Basically they got 30 seconds of touch every 2 hours. But K has did an amazing job and actually her attachment happened quicker than I thought it would.

Now the other interesting topic of tonight was what seems like an ongoing constant debate in my class of people just can't understand why they would return a child to a family that could have beat them or did beat them. One of the girls (who I use to work with is in my class) is constantly bringing this up, basically her and her hubby can't have any more kids and this is the only way they can afford to adopt. Which I'm happy for her, she will be a great parent but she doesn't think a child should go back to a family even if it was a false allegations made against a mother or father and there never was any abuse. Which just pisses me off....so I will have a little flashback here.

I was in my Spring semester of 7th grade, my parents had just split up and was going through a messy, down right nasty divorce that would take 5 years to complete. One day, I was yanked out of my 6th period class by one of the School Counselors, Mr. Curran, waiting outside was the School Security Officer, another Counselor, Ms. Henderson and some women I didn't know who she was. Mr. Curran and the School Officer grabbed me each by my arms and dragged me into one of the Counselor offices, the strange lady walked in and the other Counselors and Officer, walked out and locked the door. I was scared to death, I had no idea who this person was or what I had done. She proceeds to interrogate me about my Mother and all the beating she does to me and my brother. She said she's from DCFS, was here to save me and take me away from her. I was freaking out, crying and basically a mess. My Mom had never laid a hand on us, even with some of the most awful things I did as a kid, that surely prompted a whack, she never did anything other than take away the phone or tv. By the time this women got done, I had only had 15 minutes left of school....I had been in the office for over 3 hours. I was a wreck, I can't even put words to how I felt or even how I looked...I mean you look a mess when you cry for 10 minutes, let along basically for a full 3 hours. But she did make sure to give me her business card, which I still have today as a reminder that the system should have done better. And what do the counselors do....they tell me I gotta get back to class, otherwise I'll get in trouble for missing so much school work today. Umm, excuse me, you physically withhold me, put me through emotional hell and then send me back to class. Luckily I had an amazing teacher and he saw I was a mess, he went and called my Mom and sat with me until she showed up....where I relived the whole thing to both of them and of course broke down into a sobbing mess. The DCFS worker contacted my Mom the next day and she came out and saw my brother with my Mom there. The DCFS worker broke her own rules because a parent is to be notified when a interview is going to happen if there is no signs of apparent abuse or the child does not initiate the call. Of course, all the charges were found untrue about my Mom and they of course blamed it on my Father, who was the one that made the allegations. I still find it hard to be nice to people who work with DCFS. Maybe because of this past experience with them or maybe how I've seen them handle other cases. When we had our background checks ran for K's adoption, there was not a single note that we were ever even investigated.

Ok so back to me being pissed off....So basically the girl that I use to work with thinks we should have been taken away from my Mom. Even though it was only an allegation against my Mom. How freakin stupid and twisted is that??

I also know that for every 1 allegation, there is probably a 100 out there that are true cases of abuse and I'm not minimizing this at all. But what gives her the right to think that children should not be reunited with their families, no matter what the situation? Sorry it just bugs me and I know that it bugged my Mom even more. She didn't say anything until we were on our drive home and she was like it wasn't even worth getting into that argument because there was no convincing her otherwise. She was right because everyone even the DCFS workers tried to argue the false allegations and she wasn't going to listen.