Friday, August 31, 2007

How are you enjoying your K time??

That is such a great question because I love being able to spend all day and all night with her. I really don't want to start back to work. She does so many new things everyday and my Mom who was watching her is like "oh yeah she does this or that all the time". Which just tells me more and more how much I'm missing out on her life by being gone 9-10 hours a day. Wish there was some way to wave a magic wand and poof, money so I could stay home and never have to go back to work. The last couple of days has been a little crazy because we have family coming in for the weekend and some is staying through till next weekend. So there hasn't been as much fun quality time as I had wanted but next week, other than Doctor's appoinments it will be fun, even if it's just us hanging out all day playing with toys and swimming. I am looking forward to going apple picking on Sunday. And hopefully I'll still fit in a zoo visit...heck maybe I'll go Friday since I'll be out that way, guess we will just have to see how it plays out.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

3rd Training Session - August 30, 2007

Well today was a great day, didn't get much done because K was under foot wanting my full undivided I gave it to her. I really have to start looking for a midnight job so I can be with her at home all day.

Otherwise tonight was our 3rd training session, it was about attachment. I felt like it was a waste of time because it was all stuff I already knew. Maybe because I researched the topic to death and read like a thousand books before I adopted K and so basically tonight was a review course for me. K did have some attachment problems and we worked hard to develop those bonds since she was basically left in a crib all day without any stimulation or touch from any of the caregivers. But most children in the infant room, where K was, was like that. Only their basic needs were met, meaning one Nanny came around and propped a roll of towels up to hold the bottle so they could feed and another came around took the bottles and changed their diapers and this was done every 2 hours. Basically they got 30 seconds of touch every 2 hours. But K has did an amazing job and actually her attachment happened quicker than I thought it would.

Now the other interesting topic of tonight was what seems like an ongoing constant debate in my class of people just can't understand why they would return a child to a family that could have beat them or did beat them. One of the girls (who I use to work with is in my class) is constantly bringing this up, basically her and her hubby can't have any more kids and this is the only way they can afford to adopt. Which I'm happy for her, she will be a great parent but she doesn't think a child should go back to a family even if it was a false allegations made against a mother or father and there never was any abuse. Which just pisses me I will have a little flashback here.

I was in my Spring semester of 7th grade, my parents had just split up and was going through a messy, down right nasty divorce that would take 5 years to complete. One day, I was yanked out of my 6th period class by one of the School Counselors, Mr. Curran, waiting outside was the School Security Officer, another Counselor, Ms. Henderson and some women I didn't know who she was. Mr. Curran and the School Officer grabbed me each by my arms and dragged me into one of the Counselor offices, the strange lady walked in and the other Counselors and Officer, walked out and locked the door. I was scared to death, I had no idea who this person was or what I had done. She proceeds to interrogate me about my Mother and all the beating she does to me and my brother. She said she's from DCFS, was here to save me and take me away from her. I was freaking out, crying and basically a mess. My Mom had never laid a hand on us, even with some of the most awful things I did as a kid, that surely prompted a whack, she never did anything other than take away the phone or tv. By the time this women got done, I had only had 15 minutes left of school....I had been in the office for over 3 hours. I was a wreck, I can't even put words to how I felt or even how I looked...I mean you look a mess when you cry for 10 minutes, let along basically for a full 3 hours. But she did make sure to give me her business card, which I still have today as a reminder that the system should have done better. And what do the counselors do....they tell me I gotta get back to class, otherwise I'll get in trouble for missing so much school work today. Umm, excuse me, you physically withhold me, put me through emotional hell and then send me back to class. Luckily I had an amazing teacher and he saw I was a mess, he went and called my Mom and sat with me until she showed up....where I relived the whole thing to both of them and of course broke down into a sobbing mess. The DCFS worker contacted my Mom the next day and she came out and saw my brother with my Mom there. The DCFS worker broke her own rules because a parent is to be notified when a interview is going to happen if there is no signs of apparent abuse or the child does not initiate the call. Of course, all the charges were found untrue about my Mom and they of course blamed it on my Father, who was the one that made the allegations. I still find it hard to be nice to people who work with DCFS. Maybe because of this past experience with them or maybe how I've seen them handle other cases. When we had our background checks ran for K's adoption, there was not a single note that we were ever even investigated.

Ok so back to me being pissed off....So basically the girl that I use to work with thinks we should have been taken away from my Mom. Even though it was only an allegation against my Mom. How freakin stupid and twisted is that??

I also know that for every 1 allegation, there is probably a 100 out there that are true cases of abuse and I'm not minimizing this at all. But what gives her the right to think that children should not be reunited with their families, no matter what the situation? Sorry it just bugs me and I know that it bugged my Mom even more. She didn't say anything until we were on our drive home and she was like it wasn't even worth getting into that argument because there was no convincing her otherwise. She was right because everyone even the DCFS workers tried to argue the false allegations and she wasn't going to listen.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

What a Day

Well K hasn't been feeling good the last few days...I thinking it's her teeth but not really sure. All I know is that basically all she does all night long is cry. Which in turn keeps me awake because I'm comforting her, so I'm exhausted and not the I'm just tired exhausted but they I can't keep my eyes open, I can't even walk because I'm so tired, I'm a danger to myself because I'm so tired type of exhaustion. This is Day 3 of little to no sleep. So I called off work this morning...actually I missed all 3 days this week.

Then later this afternoon I get a call from my supervisor and says I'm sorry but your FIRED because you have missed 4 days in the last 15 work days. Ok...let me back track for a minute, I gave my notice last Wednesday that my last day was September 7th. I had found a better job working for Hershey that pays more and my current boss refused to give us a raise so why should I stay....the job I was at was a sh*t job anyway and for all the work we did, we were only getting paid 10 cents above minimum wage...why did I stay there at DNOA because at least I was working while I looked for a better job because I didn't get unemployment from losing my last job. And getting something is better than not getting anything. So when I gave him my notice he was pissed beyond belief that I was leaving because I'm one of his top productive people. I told him I would stay if he would match what my new job is paying me. He said sorry can't give you a raise, so I said sorry I'm not staying. I'm happy that I'm no longer there but in the same fact a little ticked off because I know other workers that have missed way more than I did in a 15 work day period and he did nothing to them. So I've got off until September 7th and I'll get to spend my time with K, sleep in as late as she will let me and maybe even take her to the zoo or something.

So here is to being unemployed...even if it's only for 11 days!

Saturday, August 25, 2007

A Physical Therapy Rant

My Daughter, K, was suppose to be non-special needs, but the day I meet her, I knew there were problems. Her problems are physical and so she requires Physical Therapy. I set up PT through the school district and what is nice is they come out to my house for the sessions. I'm usually not there for the sessions but Grandma is and if not her, K's Uncle is. So the PT saw K with her Uncle & his Girlfriend. Every week the PT writes out a report what she did, how the session went. Well she had been complaining for weeks now that I needed to take her back to Shriner's hospital and have them give her a proper pair of shoes, and so I did. Well now the PT in her report is complaining because the shoes are heavy??? Well Ms. PT, you were the ones who said she needed shoes from there, you should have known what their shoes were like since I didn't even know they provided them. I swear I can't please Ms. PT no matter what I do. UGGGGHHH!!!

2nd Training Class - August 23, 2007

Well tonight we had our 2nd training class. It went better than last week. Every week we have alot of homework, both reading and questions, you are suppose to turn in your homework on time every week. I was amazed at how many people didn't do their homework. I mean I know we all have busy lives, but this is part of the commitment you made when you decided to take this training. I mean I did my reading while my daughter, K was sitting on my lap....ok, she was crawling all over me because I wasn't giving her 100% of my attention. But I got everything done. It frustrates me that the other people in our class don't take this seriously and just look at it as a way to get money.

The other thing that bugged me tonight was that they kept pushing the fact that you should invite your Foster Child's family into your house, that you should go out of your way to pick them up to go to the Foster Child's doctor's appointments or that if they need a ride to drug rehabilitation that you should take them to that. I'm sorry I'm not going to spend my money in catering to the Birth Mom/Dad/Whoever. This about the Child, yes, I will take my Foster Child to visits and yes we can meet in a neutral place but I have a child of my own to think about. How many times has it been reported that a Birth Family came to the Foster Parent's house and kidnapped the Child?? Too Many Times plus alot of those times they also harmed the Foster Parents. So I will stress again to my Social Worker that we will happily have visits in a neutral place.....far away from my home!

My Favorite Quote of the Night was by one of the DCFS Trainers "We are not in the business of keeping the child safe....we are in the business of keeping the family together no matter what has happened." Well that explains alot, that explains why so many children are returned to their parents and later killed. I'm not saying that children should not be with their parents, what I'm saying is if it's an unsafe situation, why leave the child there where some harm could come to them? I really have to say this training has really opened my eyes, I knew there were problems but now I truly understand that the system needs a major overhaul. There needs to be a big change because all we are doing is failing these children, not only with the system but as a society because we allow a system like this to exist.

Friday, August 24, 2007

August 16, 2007 - Foster Adopt Pride Training classes

Today we attended our first training class in becoming Foster Parents. When I say "we", I mean my Mother and I. I think these training classes can provide a lot of good information...but instead they had to spend over an hour explaining what a Tab means. Ugh, how can a person that is in this class not know that a Tab is for separating chapters? Or what a chapter is? When I look around the room, you get a real feeling about who is really there for the children and also who is there for money. I couldn't believe some of the comments these future Foster parents were saying. I mean they sat there bashing children who are having a sexual identity crisis's, about how they wouldn't want that Insert various racial slurs in their house. I was appalled and even more appalled that the DCFS trainers either #1 didn't throw those people out of class or #2 didn't tell them that their comments were in appropriate. I have many family members that are gay, even my oldest and dearest friend is gay and I see nothing wrong with their lifestyles. Most of them have been in a longer lasting, stronger relationship then most heterosexual couples. And I know that a lot of people won't like me because I don't see any problems with living your life as you wish. I sat there the rest of the evening super quiet. The trainers kept saying how they are sending reports back to our Social Workers on the comments we make, well I really wish they would have noted the Racial Slurs coming from a few of the Future Foster Parents or even the ones who said they were only in it for the money, so they wanted teenagers because then they didn't have to take care of them. Now how is this trying to help the child?

July 31, 2007 - New Fingerprints

Well even though we have had I don't know how many sets of fingerprints for international adoption taken over the last year, it seems that none of them are useful to become a Foster Parent. Who cares if the FBI says I'm ok and even the State Police, we had to go down to DCFS today and get a new set of fingerprints taken. Luckily they were free because the State pays for them. Last time we were at DCFS to have fingerprints taken it was almost a 3 1/2 hour wait, which is something you don't want to attempt with a child under 2. This time we were in and out in 15 minutes. I was so happy to see that they have streamlined the process.

My 1st Post

I wanted to start this blog as a means to document becoming a Foster Parent. I hope that this will open up the doors to other families that may want to explore this as an option in their lives. I am Single, 31, and a Mom to one wonderful little girl, K. I adopted her from overseas when she was 6 mos old, we are now waiting on her little sister. I also want to use this blog to discuss adoption and anything else that I feel like talking about. I hope you join along in my new journey.....